Today’s moms are given countless labels, but there are two particularly polarizing ones – Working Mama and Stay at Home Mama. We are all so different that one would think it is almost impossible to lump everyone into such specific buckets, but we do. So, in the interest of education, here are four phrases that make working mamas cringe (so pretty please, don’t every say them to us):
1. “I could never let someone else raise my children.” – Although it’s a necessity and not a choice for me personally, I’m pro
ud that I’m not the only person in my children’s life. I don’t see any problem with it “taking a village” to raise a child. Of course, my husband is an equal partner in raising our children; it is important that we share this responsibility. My mother watches them during the day while I’m at work, and it makes me so happy that they get to know and be so exceptionally close to the woman who raised me. My daughters go to an excellent Montessori school where they learn new things every day. It’s incredible to see them learn and grow with all the different people who are directly involved in their daily lives.
2. “It must be great having adult interaction every day.” – It might sound great to someone who is home with toddlers all day but really, it’s not. It’s work. It’s not like going out with your girlfriends and having margaritas. There are many days when I would prefer toddler babbles and incessant repetitive questions from my kindergartener over work issues any day. Because most of the time adult things and work-related things are complicated and technical…and boring. We’re talking deadlines and projects and budgeting. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I’d happily listen to Frozen for the 200th time rather than talk about a major system implementation any day!
3. “Why can’t you just stay at home?” – Many women make the choice to work, and why anyone would ever think it’s acceptable to question them is beyond me. It’s not like you go around asking people why they feel like paying their electric bill this month or how much they paid for their home or what in their life makes them feel more emotionally stable. Why do people think this is OK?
4. “These days are 
so precious, I could never miss them by going to work.” – Yes. They are so precious. No one knows that like a working mama. But thanks for reminding us about what we are missing but also simultaneously complaining about how your toddler had a meltdown 25 times today and how you never get to go to the bathroom alone. I know these days are precious. I know it every morning when I say goodbye to them and every night after I’ve peeked in to check on them one more time. And by the way, you could do it, if you had to. Sometimes we have to make hard choices. Please don’t say you would never do something until you have walked in someone else’s shoes.
If you’ve said these things to your working momma friends, don’t worry, they still love you. I’m sure I’ve put my foot in my mouth once or twice (er…or more) to my stay at home mommas, and I hope they still love me. It happens. As moms we are so concerned with “doing it right” that it often is easier to identify when someone else may be “doing it wrong”, so we say things that might be hurtful without thinking. What we really we should simply be concerned with is that we are doing it the best we can.
Has anyone ever said anything to you, no matter what kind of momma you are, that made you cringe? Share it below!
Beverly I’m SOOOOO happy your babies get to be around your mom all the time. I grew up with a very hard working mama too, and so I was at my grandma’s all the time. I learned so much from my grandmother, became so unbelievably close and still think of her daily. Even when I was 16, her house was my escape.
You are amazing and very lucky your littles can grow to be extremely close to their grandma. I didn’t realize how truly wonderful it was until we moved here away from any grandmas. You are giving them a fantastic gift…remember that. 🙂
I’ve been both a working mom and a stay at home mom and I’ve learned one very important thing. Ready? Here goes. You cannot please everyone all the time. So, what do you do? You do what’s right for your family. Regardless of what kind of mom you are, there will always be the ones that made rude or snarky comments. We should all support each other no matter what because it does take a village. Even the most experienced parent needs help from time to time. I don’t know when we ladies became so critical of other moms but it needs to stop! It seems that there are 2 types of women, the kind that tear you down and the kind that lift you up. We should all strive to be the kind that lift you up.
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