Today’s moms are given countless labels, but there are two particularly polarizing ones – Working Mama and Stay at Home Mama. We are all so different that one would think it is almost impossible to lump everyone into such specific buckets, but we do. So, in the interest of education, here are four phrases that make working mamas cringe (so pretty please, don’t every say them to us):
1. “I could never let someone else raise my children.” – Although it’s a necessity and not a choice for me personally, I’m proud that I’m not the only person in my children’s life. I don’t see any problem with it “taking a village” to raise a child. Of course, my husband is an equal partner in raising our children; it is important that we share this responsibility. My mother watches them during the day while I’m at work, and it makes me so happy that they get to know and be so exceptionally close to the woman who raised me. My daughters go to an excellent Montessori school where they learn new things every day. It’s incredible to see them learn and grow with all the different people who are directly involved in their daily lives.
2. “It must be great having adult interaction every day.” – It might sound great to someone who is home with toddlers all day but really, it’s not. It’s work. It’s not like going out with your girlfriends and having margaritas. There are many days when I would prefer toddler babbles and incessant repetitive questions from my kindergartener over work issues any day. Because most of the time adult things and work-related things are complicated and technical…and boring. We’re talking deadlines and projects and budgeting. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I’d happily listen to Frozen for the 200th time rather than talk about a major system implementation any day!
3. “Why can’t you just stay at home?” – Many women make the choice to work, and why anyone would ever think it’s acceptable to question them is beyond me. It’s not like you go around asking people why they feel like paying their electric bill this month or how much they paid for their home or what in their life makes them feel more emotionally stable. Why do people think this is OK?
4. “These days are so precious, I could never miss them by going to work.” – Yes. They are so precious. No one knows that like a working mama. But thanks for reminding us about what we are missing but also simultaneously complaining about how your toddler had a meltdown 25 times today and how you never get to go to the bathroom alone. I know these days are precious. I know it every morning when I say goodbye to them and every night after I’ve peeked in to check on them one more time. And by the way, you could do it, if you had to. Sometimes we have to make hard choices. Please don’t say you would never do something until you have walked in someone else’s shoes.
If you’ve said these things to your working momma friends, don’t worry, they still love you. I’m sure I’ve put my foot in my mouth once or twice (er…or more) to my stay at home mommas, and I hope they still love me. It happens. As moms we are so concerned with “doing it right” that it often is easier to identify when someone else may be “doing it wrong”, so we say things that might be hurtful without thinking. What we really we should simply be concerned with is that we are doing it the best we can.
Has anyone ever said anything to you, no matter what kind of momma you are, that made you cringe? Share it below!