Something happened last night. Something that doesn’t happen as often as I would like, or as infrequently as I think. Something that every married couple (especially) should be doing regularly. Something that is awesome and natural. Something that is talked about in every magazine in every store in every town. I had sex with my husband.
But that’s not the important part. What’s important is that I connected with my husband on a level that reminds me why I am still so desperately in love with him. THAT is what doesn’t happen enough.
I’m one of those truly blessed people who is married to her soulmate. I wholeheartedly believe this, and as years and trials go by, I am reaffirmed of this daily. But something happens when people become parents. They become, well, parents. Suddenly it’s all about the baby, the house, the meals, the diapers, the groceries, the bills… it never seems to be about your marriage. About your partnership. Your friendship.
We become so involved with the day to day crap that we truly forget what it’s like to honestly connect with the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with. And it IS a choice. Everyday you make that same choice… or not.
After we had sex, I sobbed. I couldn’t help it. It was surprising and overwhelming at how strong the emotion was. One moment we’re in the throes of passion, and in the next I have uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. But the reason I cried was because for the first time in God knows how long… I connected with him. Truly connected. You know what I’m talking about. When the entire world melts away and the only person you are aware of is the one in front of you. Where it feels like your souls are speaking and you could die happy, right there in that moment.
Maybe I’m an anomaly. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic. Over Valentine’s Day I wrote a post on my personal blog about how the most important thing to me for my son is to find someone who loves him as much as I love his daddy.
“No… not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that… overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable – like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love – like there has never been in a play.” ~ Viola De Lesseps, Shakespeare in Love
I wish my son to find the the love and connection with someone that I have with his father because of its power. I have a connection with my husband that (aside from great sex) is unreal, unshakable, and simply awesome. So when it’s been too long since we sat at a coffee shop and just talked, went to paint ceramic plates together, swing on swings, or just had dinner and drinks, I feel it in every aspect of my life. I don’t sleep as well. Intimacy begins waning. Work seems more stressful. I’m not as patient as a mom, and my mood is less than stellar. The fact that quality time is my Love Language probably has a bit to do with it, but my husband’s language is words of affirmation, and when it’s been too long he feels it too.
It’s not just my husband and me who suffer. My son sees the invisible wedge that grows between us when we go too long without connecting. My job is to teach him how to be a man, which includes teaching him how to have a good marriage, doesn’t it? So how can I teach him if I don’t take time to focus on my own marriage? How can I truly show him this power, help him believe his soulmate is out there, show him that love is literally the strongest force in the universe…if I can’t even take the time to connect with my husband more than once in a blue moon?
We had great sex last night. But the ton of bricks that hit my brain was, “My god, I miss him.” And I still can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s acceptable that being parents makes you stop connecting with the one person in the world with whom you chose to take that adventure.
Connecting with your partner is powerful. And it can be simple too. Is it a priority for you?