50 Shades of Cauliflower


Has anybody else noticed this outpouring of recipes and high-speed cooking videos of various dishes made with cauliflower? On the Tasty YouTube channel, there’s over a dozen recipes trying to dress it up. It begs the question: is this ugly white vegetable the new kale?


Cauliflower cheesy bread and cauliflower pizza. Cauliflower fried rice and cauliflower buffalo wings. Mashed cauliflower and cauliflower tots. Cheesy cauliflower and cauliflower chowder. Honestly, the list has me sounding like Bubba from Forest Gump when he talks about shrimp. Don’t believe me? If you look this up on Pinterest, you’ll find yourself down a rabbit hole, about rabbit food! This is getting out of control! Before Pinterest, there was no such thing as a “gender reveal party” or 50 Shades of Cauliflower.


Why are we trying to make cauliflower happen? This outcast of crudités! It’s broccoli’s albino cousin. All of these recipes are just putting lipstick on a pig. I’m just confused. Remember the good ole days when none of us even knew what gluten was, or which part of the chicken the nugget came from? I almost feel sorry for cauliflower; nobody can accept this vegetable in it’s natural state. Rejected even by copious amounts of Hidden Valley Ranch, many avoid this white tree. If you don’t believe me, check your party platters after your next Super Bowl party. Everything will be gone at the end of game day except for the cauliflower and that one token lil’ smokie floating in barbecue sauce in your crockpot.

Healthy living has driven us toward trying to love cauliflower and get our children to eat it. What’s next, parsnips? I get it, though. Everyone wants to know how to get their kids to eat their veggies, and which recipes have worked to fool them into it. But let’s be honest. Does your spouse even eat this stuff? I can tell you right now, there is no way mine will. I am trapped in this foxhole called parenting with a picky eater as my other half. Thankfully, the kids haven’t quite caught on that dad isn’t eating anything that resembles yard clippings. 

Oh well. See you at the farmer’s market. Just kidding. Good luck, mamas. 

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Textbook extrovert. If there’s a stage, Jenny wants to be on it; whether it’s singing in church, doing stand-up comedy or acting. She has recently joined a cult called LuLaRoe. Her husband, David, is deeply concerned. Jenny and David, a pastor, are recently celebrating eighteen years of marriage. After years of infertility, they became adoptive parents of two year old twin boys in 2014. They’ve never been happier or more exhausted. Every day is an adventure. Jenny blogs at thefivestages.wordpress.com and has a regular feature in Tualatin Life newspaper called Everyday Heroes to celebrate those serving our community. She and her husband started a clothing line based on their story and you can check it out at bottlecapbadge.com. There’s nothing we can’t do with a little bit of love and a whole lot of caffeine.


  1. Cute post! I have to admit though after much practice I’ve gotten my spouse to eat Brussels sprouts out of all things. Major victory to me ? Cauliflower though a whole other story ?

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