Sorry Not Sorry: A Letter to My Second Child

Dear Child #2,
I am sorry. I am sorry I forgot to plan your birthday party. I am sorry I whipped up a lame birthday party because your brother was born three years and eleven days before you so I was too busy planning his birthday. I am sorry for so many things:
  • I am sorry I let your brother take toys from you. In my defense, you don’t seem too bothered by it. 
  • I am sorry I put you in his boy clothes. After all the clothes we have accumulated in our home, I do not have the energy or desire to buy more clothes. It seems wasteful.
  • I am sorry I let you eat the crusty old crumb from the ground. 
  • I am sorry I don’t wash your pacifier more often. I really didn’t see the moldy-looking dirt on it.
  • I am sorry you sit for hours in a wet diaper.
  • I am sorry that I don’t slave in the kitchen the way I used to for your older brother. I just don’t have the energy.
  • I am sorry you don’t get to choose what you want and your voice is silenced by your bigger brother making all the big choices.
  • I am sorry you have to share. It’s hard and your brother makes it harder.
  • I am sorry we don’t buy your fake crying. This isn’t our first rodeo and we know how manipulative you little rascals can be. Your brother trained us well and your attention-seeking crying now falls on deaf ears.

But above all, I am sorry that I just don’t have the patience I used to have before you came. I find myself counting to ten, holding back when I am about to lose my temper, and I feel like a bad mom. I think of the time-outs I need to give myself before giving them to you because I can’t just keep it together. It’s just really hard balancing all the responsibilities of parenting, working, and managing the house.  

On the other hand, I want to thank you, too.
  • Thank you for coming into my life.
  • Thank you for not being so picky.
  • Thank you for (mostly) sleeping through the night.
  • Thank you for letting your brother make all the big choices.
  • Thank you for your smiles, your snuggles, and your overall kindness.
  • Thank you for boosting my self-confidence in the motherhood arena. I feel redeemed by all the things I have done right by you.

But most importantly, thank you for completing our little family!